Friendships

Next to family, our friendships is our most valuable tangible item in our life. They share our best days, stand next to us on our bad. They except us for we are, no matter what and laugh with us when we're funny! They give us hugs when we cry and stand next to us at our wedding. The friendship is unconditional and totally 50/50 on great days and those number sway on our good & bad days. But it always evens out.

Me, I do my best to put in my effort, even when it sways where I'm there in 90% support. Until it is my turn where I need support from my 'friends' and they shut me out. It hurts A LOT! I've been accused of being a bitch to my friends, when I know that I'm doing all the work in the relationship. And I'm treated like shit when I need my friends for the equal support I've given them. Is that wrong? I had someone yell at me for being selfish with the expectation where I'm suppose to bend over and kiss their ass and I haven't done that since I was 20! Why would I start now?! So, to protect myself and my spirit, it is safer for me to go sorta solo, then it is for me be shut out every time I'm in need of some emotional support. Oh, that is what this blog is here. To allow me to vent, because my 'friends' have bigger problems then me and they don't have time for me. I must add, there is so much I haven't posted here, not that it would break my personal rules for this blog, but because it wouldn't solve my problem either. Infact some of my best blog posts were from my worst days and turning them into positives.

I had a rough day! 90% of the people I talk to today where grumpy, yelling at me and I was feeling pretty stupid. It was one of those days, where I was holding everyones hand and few of them where making me laugh. A few of them even told me that they weren't mad at me, which helped. Plus, many of my grumpy people weren't grumpy with anything they did, it was more panic, confusion and stress on HUGE levels. A good cry will help me sleep tonight.

Anyway, my roundabout way of venting!!!