Scared!

More doors getting closed on me and have no clue what to do from here. I'm so desperate for a place to live that I can afford. I haven't gotten any decent sleep in days and I'm eating okay. I'm stressed! Everything I've worked on for the past 3 weeks to get a place nailed down has the heavy feeling that it fell apart yesterday! I'm totally freaking out here and I don't even know what I'm going to do. I was given 6 weeks notice to find a new place to live so the owner can remodel the kitchen. All the time spent in the car, all the time on the internet, gas money spent in the search to find a place that would allow me to continue on my forward motion to create a great life seems to vanish into thin air. I don't understand!

10 minutes later of looking at this screen, nothing has come to mind. No clue. Scared!

Validation, etc...

Sometimes my PMS just takes over and all the feelings I’ve been trying to manage just comes out. Some may see it as whining or complaining, but these are feelings that I’m feeling. I want a house where I can have a garden, I want a dog to validate me and give’s me love unconditionally, I want good honest people in my life. Oprah made some incredible statements today and it just blew my mind. Everyone is asking for the same thing; to be validated, to be seen and to be heard. For peat sakes, validate the people in your life and you will be validated in return. Tell those people in your life that they do matter, you do hear them, you do see them, and what they say matters. Something else she said also blew my mind and it was that everyone knows their purpose here and for some unknown reason I still have no clue what I’m suppose to be doing. So, tomorrow I continue my job search in a new town in the effort to get move up there and work to become part of something. This isn’t something new; I’ve been searching for most of my life and can’t seem to be noticed. With grace, I will be noticed in this new town. My heart cries to be noticed as a valuable person who has something to offer. I have so much to offer and it’s hard when I haven’t been seen, noticed, heard and validated. For peat sakes, validate the people around you, help them stand up straight, help them to know they’re seen, help them know their words & thoughts to matter to you, and in return you too will be validated in ways you never thought possible. Hugs!

I Want To...

I want to plant flowers, I want to plant vegetables, I want to mow my lawn, I want to have a place of my own, even it's a long term rental. Maybe a few years down the road, I could buy it and really make it mine. I want to buy furniture, I want to enjoy family antiques, I want to hang real art, I want to have place that I can make mine. I want to live in a funky town with tons of lakes and where everyone is nice. Some say be careful what you ask for, well, I'm asking for this and for this too come true here soon.

Whether it's an apartment with room to grow flowers or a small 1bd house on a quiet street I plan to look at tomorrow. (update: misprint in paper, it was a roommate situ.)

My heart goes out to all of those along the 'fat' river who have lost so much!

Happy Sunday!

Busy Week

Well, its be a busy 10 days or so. Between tornados, a royal wedding, death of Bin Ladin, and this list goes on the smaller less news worthy activities. Cleaning up in the South, drying out in the North, buying flowers for mom, etc... So much to take in. I may loose readers from this post, but Obama has my vote for another term. He has shown strength, a steady hand, a "slow-n-easy gets it done!" action and he has proven that he can get the job done.

Personally, I've been on a vigorous search for a place to live and finding that the cost of living in the big city is too costly for me. So, I'm changing my direction to a small town where the costs are half of what they are in the city. I sure do need a break. I seem to find every wall possible on the search. But I keep looking. I have a better change of getting on my feet in this town with the lower rent then I would have in the city. Thankful my pt job and that is allowing me some proof that I am trying to get on my feet to everyone around me.

The awesome part about this weekend, is the lilacs are blooming everywhere it is smells awesome. Apply blossoms are floating in the wind and it is finally spring. Yippy too spring time! Open all your windows and let the fresh air in!