Well, a lot has happened since my last post. For the sanity of myself and for everyone else, I moved out! The fights are too much and the ignoring my continued requests to stop the behavior, that was intentional, I could no longer take it. Between the unskilled 'healthcare' aide and the already in place well trained a life time of behavioral patterns, its a loosing battle. So, I took a complete step back from the job I moved down here to do.
With some research and looking in the mirror, I've discovered that I'm text book (unloved, unapproved) passive aggression. So, the work begins to reshape who I am so I can love the outside me as well as the inside me! I've always known that I had to fight, scream and yell to be finally be heard within the group I was born into, but never dreamed that they're the ones who made me who I am and this person I hate. I'm not angry at them, I only pity them for not taking more care in who they are as well. I've been working on me for most of my life so I can be this incredible person and finding out that I'm not, really made me cry. I've had my moments of depression, self pity and pure frustration about this whole mess. So, the work beings to change 40+ years of this behavioral training and reshape my personality into someone I Love and Like.
On top of all that, with the difference between the rent I can afford and the prices of what is available, it looks like my stay in a warm hotel room is going to end and I'm back to car camping. I don't forfeit on my bills to pay rent!
No matter what is going on, find ways to love You!
