Feeling Trapped

Even with the new understanding of the verbal abuse I get in front of other people is from the dementia. The need to belittle me in front of people, I'm not strong enough. Too many magazines in the house and I'm asked to remove one box of misc baking items from the kitchen so the yelling of too many magazines isn't directed at them. Maybe I need to buy a dorm frig and put it in my room and I'm not taking up room in the frig. That is how I feel right now. The only food items I have it the kitchen is in the frig. All my dry goods are in my room so I have food to eat that fit my allergies. When I have food in the kitchen, it gets eaten. Hate hate hate the feeling of being this trapped. I have a job I love and unable to support myself on the income from it. I'm just not strong enough of the continues verbal abuse because it sport. Guess it's time to figure out how to make plan b speed up for me.

Frustration

Today is one of those days where i find i cant do anything right and end up making everyone mad at me. Its a day where im not allowed to speak or ask for anything that would make me a better caregiver. All that is seen is the crazy view that its all about me and everything i do is for this person. You know the 'give a mouse a cracker!' ? Well this person i love is the mouse. 

The most frustrating thing for me is that Im seen as a really bad pain in the ass and it hurts.

Caregivers

The first move as a caregiver is to take care of self! That goes for getting out once a week and visiting your favorite pub or brewery spot. Visit with friends and having some laughs.

Dementia

Dementia has found its way into my house. If only we could get an official evaluation to have a clear picture, but that isn't going to happen. Denial is easier to live with. The situation was so stressful and zero emotional support from all parties, I was days from moving out and leaving the area. Just to keep myself sane and not depressed. I was crying all the time for the wrong reasons and couldn't talk to anyone about it. 

With some luck, I was able to talk to somebody who specializes in memory loss and they educated me on the three main areas that get damaged as we age and what their jobs are in our daily lives. With the new education I was able to know what was causing some many of the issues. And I was getting the blame for everything that was wrong. It was nice to know the real reason why she was screaming at me and not everyone else. 

Everyone who is involved with taking care of my mom still isn't on the same page, but with the new care plan, maybe it will solve some of the issues. If you have aging parents or spouses or sibilings, educate yourself on the brain and memory loss as we age.

Not sure why all my posts are from the 'life between homes' blog, when this is published from the primary blog.