Soloist

Been trying to figure out if I'm just being paranoid or if the feelings I'm getting are real. Well, I decided that I'm not paranoid. I've been renting for over 25 years and have had many many neighbors and have gotten along with them all. Well, I decided that my current location (town) has brought me more issues where my neighbors are concerned then the last 25 years combined. I don't know how to even write this post. I continue to learn things about what makes me who I am, even going over things when I was a small child. The issue isn't that it (being ignored) happened for a day or two, but it was reinforced by many people around me. No-one person is to blame, only the fact that it continued all through school and it shaped me in ways that brings me to tears. I'm lonely and I've lost the ability to be around strangers as a normal human being and that frustrates me to no end. I'm doing my best to articulate this so it doesn't come off where I'm feeling sorry for myself. What does a person do when they want to be around people, have friends, do things with them and end up feeling the safest place in the world is where it's just my dog and me, alone? I've been forced into a life of being solo over the years for one reason or another (by others) and I hate it. I've cried all the way home from work some nights because I don't want to live here anymore. I'm not a materialistic person, but hold more value in the people around me. I know when I'm not wanted. If it wasn't for my kid, I wouldn't be seen by my neighbors much. Guess I'm at a loss on where to go from here... To work, today. Then...